Hey, the wifi is down so I can’t post chapter eleven. If the wifi get fixed it should be up tomorrow. Xxx
Tonight (GMT) xxx
It’s fine, I don’t mind you’re very sweet for saying so! Thank you xxx
A/N - Guys you’ve been awesome. Almost done. Love u xxx
You walked away from Cal, feeling dizzy and feeling as if your heart was going to drop out of your chest. He had basically said you had used him to get over Luke, or that’s how it felt he meant it. You couldn’t remember much, it was true that you thought of Luke mostly while you were with him, but you didn’t feel as if you had used him to get over Luke, and it hurt that he thought that. You knew you shouldn’t have agreed to date him in the first place, you were saying it because Luke was there. But Cal seemed to know everything, he knew how you felt and he knew how Luke did. He had said that Luke had taken you home. Was it over jealousy? Luke can’t expect you not to get over him when he was over you. It was pouring with rain and you were cold, so you made a quick decision. Teary eyed and breathless, you found yourself on the bus and headed straight towards Luke.
You ran the doorbell and Ashton answered, smiling.
"Hey, Y/N. How you been?" He asked.
"I’m okay Ash, who’s with you?"
"It’s just me and Luke, why?"
"Ash, I really need to talk to Luke alone." You said, half asking half telling, even though it was his house.
"Yeah sure, I understand. I should probably go get some shopping anyway. See you." He said, walking out the door and leaving it open for you. You took a deep breath, and pushed the door, opening it and walking into the room where you found Luke.
His eyes became wide and he stood up, not expecting you to be here. “Y/N.” He said.
"I think we need to talk Luke, don’t you?" You said.
"Sure, are you okay? You look cold." He said, and there was still distance between you both, in more ways than one.
"I’m fine." You said, but you weren’t. You were shivering and were soaked, you felt light headed and you didn’t know if it was because of the cold or because of what was happening.
"No you’re not, you’re shivering." He walked over to you and held you. "You’re freezing. Come on, take your clothes off, you need to dry off." He said, stepping beck and taking off his black top that in the corner had white writing that said LA. Surprisingly, you hadn’t seen Luke shirtless a lot. He was quite insecure, although you couldn’t understand why as he handed his shirt to you. You stared at his body that was toned, and looked incredible good to hug right now as you were cold. "Come on, clothes off now." He smiled as he lifted your top up and threw it to the other side of the room.
Any other guy that had a girl in her bra, completely in love with him, would most likely try something at this point. But not Luke. You stared at him as he put the top on you, and pulled your hair out from underneath. He then pushed back your hair behind you ear as he was inches away from your face. But still, he didn’t try anything. And you knew it was because you were so down right now, he wouldn’t want to do that. He just looked right into your eyes with a desperation that said he wanted to. That he wanted to hold you and not let go. Make sure you were okay. But that he couldn’t because he didn’t want to hurt you anymore, because he wanted you to be okay but clearly that wasn’t going to happen if you were with him.
You had been in this position for longer than you thought, your lips almost touching but your eyes locked, staring at each other. No part of your body was touching his, although every part was craving it.
You stepped back and the gaze between you two broke like your heart did. Shattering and making it hard for you to look at each other without feeling pain.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Luke said.
"Luke, I know that you took me home. I know all of it. Please explain it to me. So I was with Cal and then you took me home. Lied about it. Made me feel awful and try to get over you, but then it was like normal again. Then you shut me out again. Just tell me Luke. Please." You said, walking slowly towards him until again, you were inches apart. He was against the kitchen top, and you turned around and leaned on it next to him.
"Okay. I didn’t stop loving you, you know that. I could’t deal with not having you with me on tour. At first it was okay, but then I missed you more and more and you were missing me too. Your friends began messaging me saying how tired you were and upset. You began staying up to call me even though the time differences, I could see it wearing you down. So I decided it was best to go separate ways, and maybe we could be friends again. But then I got back and I got angry, all of this reminded me of you and that I couldn’t get over you. That’s why I treated you the way I did, I thought I could get over you but I couldn’t. Then the party. Miranda was never really my girlfriend, we were just a thing. Another theory I tried, to get over you. Then you looked so good and my heart stopped when I saw you, because I didn’t know if I could do it. But I had to because it was for you. Then after you left us, you got quite drunk. I was watching you all night, making sure you were okay. Then you and Calum starting making out, but you were too drunk to know what was going on, and I felt like Cal was taking advantage of that. So I took you home. It’s not that I don’t want you to get over me, I do. I really do. I want you to be happy, and you weren’t with me. I love you so much, that I want you to get over me. But then I would be with you and my little progress of getting over you wouldn’t do anything and I would fall in love with you all over again. Your laugh. Your eyes. The way you talk about something you enjoy, the way you talk about something you don’t. The way when you tell a funny story you start laughing and can barely finish the story, the way when you want to cry you try to hold the tears in but you can’t and the tears fall like floods. I’ve wanted so much to wipe away your tears, but I’m not good for you. But don’t think I did all of this because I didn’t care. I cared. I still do." He said, and you hadn’t noticed that he had moved infront of you and his arms were place by your side, holding the kitchen top. A tear fell and he looked so broken. "May I?" He said. You nodded. He wiped your tear away and he lent down, both of your eyes closed as your lips were only just brushing against each other, but not touching. It was like you had waited a long time for this moment, and you wanted to remember every bit and take your time. Just as you were about to kiss, you pulled away.
"Luke, no. Why did you do that? Why didn’t you talk to me? I wanted to be with you. I loved you." You said.
"Loved?" He asked.
"I don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything anymore." You pushed him away and started to become angry. You wanted to hurt him like he hurt you.
"I looked for you every night for you in the crowds. You never came."
"I couldn’t come! And you were shutting me out!" You yelled.
"Because I wanted what was best for you!"
"You don’t know what’s best for me! Why didn’t you talk to me! We could have got through it together! But you just left me!" You screamed.
"I love you." He said, no longer yelling. Luke had said before that he wanted to fight with you about stupid things and yell I love you to stop it. But to you, this just hurt. When he said I love you, it no longer healed, it burned.
"I love you." You said. "But Luke, I don’t know about this anymore."
"I know I was wrong now. I should have talked to you." He said.
'I can't do this. You might leave me again, for the same reason.” You said.
"I’m sorry. We can work this out. I’m not going to do that again. I shouldn’t have done it. I just wanted what was best for you." He said.
"Luke, I don’t know."
"Don’t you trust me?"
"Of course I don’t."
"Because you left me because you thought it was best for me and it wasn’t and you should have spoken to me about it! You could do it again!" You yelled, becoming angry again.
"I’m not going to! I want to be with you and I want to sort this out and get back to how we were and I know you feel the same!" He yelled, just as Cal walked in. You were crying by this point.
"I’m taking her out, you both need to calm down." He said, as he pulled you out of the house and took you to a park where you sat on the swings.
The time passed by and you just talked.
"So, how you doing?" He asked.
"I’m good actually. I feel better. Sorry for running off." You replied.
"It’s okay. Sorry for getting angry."
"So, you spoke to Luke."
"How was that?"
"Well I know it all now. So that’s good."
"Ah, well I’m here for you. Even if it’s as a friend." He smiled, and you watched him awkwardly look around.
"Thanks Cal. You know, I didn’t use you. I wanted to get over Luke. And I did have fun with you. It was nice." You said.
"Yeah, sorry for saying those things."
"They were true."
"Doesn’t mean I should say them."
"Cal, enough. it’s fine. Don’t worry about it."
"I liked you a lot you know. Still do I guess. But I shouldn’t have pressured you."
"You didn’t pressure me, I wanted to go on the date."
"To get over Luke."
"Well you know what they say, if you have to pick between two people pick the second because if you really loved the first you wouldn’t have fallen for the second." He laughed joking around.
You got off your swing and kneeled between his legs, grabbing his head and pulling him into a kiss. His arms wrapped around you. You didn’t really know what you were doing, you just went with it. You pulled away and got up, walking away. As you turned around, Luke was there, standing and looking so broken, as if his heart was ripped out. His eyes were tearing up and a tear fell. He just looked broken hearted. Before you could say anything he just walked away, leaving you to wonder what you had just done and why, because now you really had hurt him the way he did to you. But his was because he wanted what was best for you, yours was because you were just angry.
And now you were replaying the look of hurt of his face, questioning why you had done that anyway.
Yes I am! Thank u xxx
A/N - Guys. It’s almost there. I’m excited. I’ve had many different ideas, but I went with the original one. Hope u like it. Love u xxx
You had been caged up in your house for days. You refused to see anyone, let alone any of the boys. You barely went on your phone, because there were mostly messages asking if you were okay, and you didn’t want to lie anymore and say you were fine. You wanted to scream. You were tearing yourself apart with your own thoughts, becoming your own destruction. You knew you needed to break free, you just didn’t know how. You knew the best way was to keep occupied, but you didn’t want to do anything. Nothing seemed colourful anymore. It was all grey. Not even dark. Grey. And grey was the worst, because it was no feeling. You weren’t happy but you weren’t sad. You weren’t smiling but you weren’t crying. Everything was dull. Everything was pointless. And you couldn’t snap out of it. Because the thing was, to everyone else you were a moody teenager, but really you were lost and you didn’t know where you were or where you needed to be, you were just lost in trying to find the thing that made you happy. And only now did it all make sense. Because you didn’t really lose Luke, you lost yourself.
After a couple of days and brief messages to let people know you were okay, you decided to go for a walk. The sun beamed on you and you lifted you hand as it stung your eyes, but you continued walking. You didn’t really know where you were going, but you hoped it lead to somewhere. You didn’t even care if you got lost. Getting lost on a walk isn’t scary, getting lost in your mind is.
You wondered around aimlessly, making last minute decisions and feeling spontaneous, like you were in control. You felt great, finally clearing your head, until you saw a familiar face.
You watched as Cal made his way towards you, you immediately turned back and ran. You ran as fast as you could, running away from the truth and away from someone who wanted to help. He was calling after you, but you didn’t turn back, and you thought you’d lost him until he grabbed onto you and pulled you round.
"Stop running! I’m not going to hurt you like he did!" He yelled. Your only answer was a whimper as he pulled you into a hug. You sighed and let go, as you wrapped your arms tightly around his waist as he tightened his grip around you. It felt like he wouldn’t let go, and you didn’t want him to. Cal was safe to you. He was the guy who was easy. He cared. He wasn’t risky like Luke. But you still were drawn to Luke, like the attraction was meant to happen, like he was a drug and you needed him to survive. Like he was oxygen. And being without him didn’t feel right, you didn’t know how to act, and you didn’t know what to do. You were lost. But in Cal’s arms, you felt secure, and right now you wanted to stay in his arms until you were healed. But he couldn’t do that because he wasn’t the medicine you needed. Luke was. And you despised the fact he still had a hold over you.
Cal took you to a nearby cafe, where he got your favourite drink, and you sat down in a spot in the corner, away from everything.
"So, how have you been?" He asked.
"Fine." You replied.
"Don’t say that. How have you really been?" He asked, looking at you with a look that felt like he was looking into your soul.
"Well, I don’t know honestly. I don’t know what I feel. I’m lost." You said, expressionless. You thought that you would be crying by now, but no tears came.
"I don’t blame you, with Luke acting the way he did. We’re all mad at him. He’s mad at himself."
"I don’t understand. I don’t think I ever will. Not with you all lying to me. I should let it go."
"Hey, were not lying to you. Well, it’s hard to explain."
"Yeah sure." You said, becoming angry at him.
"Don’t be angry."
"I’m not angry. I’m just fed up with spending my time with people who like to pull my strings to make me dance. But now I’m cutting the strings." You said, getting up and leaving.
Cal ran after you and grabbed you again, spinning you around.
"Luke didn’t want us to tell you." He said.
"What do you mean?"
"He took you home that night. I don’t understand, you say you’re friends when your clearly not. You’re more. He can’t make up his mind if he’s good for you or not, it’s like he can’t be without you but when he is he’s in pain because you’re. You’re so dangerous for each other, like you’re addicted to each other. He can’t choose so he plays these games with you that leave you falling apart but you still go back to him, you still want him. You didn’t care about my feelings, you just wanted to get over him. But I know you were thinking about him, and wanting him. I’m so good for you, can’t you see that? Why can’t you just leave him, why cant he let you move on. And that night, you were so drunk and I know you don’t remember well but I was finally making my move and I thought it was fine because he wanted to be over you and you wanted to be over him and he said it was fine and we were finally making out but he couldn’t deal with that. He couldn’t let you move on and he had to take care of you and make sure you were okay. He took you from me and carried you right through the door. Why can’t he admit how he feels, why cant you call him out on it?" He bursted out.
"I’m not sure anymore." You said, walking away.